Saturday, February 24, 2007

Leave it to Beaver—Future Episode Guide pt. 1

Beaver gosh feels the soft pangs of love and gets Wally to help him
pen a love letter to his potential girl only to discover that said
letter falls into the hands of their substitute teacher who
mistakenly surmises that the letter's sender is none other than oh boy Mr.

The Beaver golly expands like a balloon and explodes after eating all
the ice-cream in the fridge, which Wally has to aw shucks clean up when
Beaver gets sick. The Beave then farts in the tub with his boats
while taking his you rascal clean-up bath.

Oh that Beaver wakes up late for school (again) after a tumultuous
dream that convinces him that he is destined to travel in space as an
astronaut. With Whitey's help, the Beaver constructs a space ship in
the backyard that Eddie and Wally gleefully destroy. Wally is so
guilt-ridden the next day that he gives the Beave here ya go a shiny
new nickel.

Ward really blows his stack with the Beaver when he discovers that he
and Whitey have been wearing his cardigan sweater and sticking his
pipe in their mouths as they have a laugh pretending to be hard-working
dads. Ward decides to "show them the ropes" by telling the Beave that due
to unforeseen circumstances he'll have to get a job at the salt mines to
support gosh the whole family.

Geez, Eddie Haskell talks Wally into cheating by passing him answers
during an important test in school. Wally gulp has to retake a much harder
test as punishment the following day and he counts on Beave to help him
get out of the jam by standing at the classroom window with Wally's
textbook in hand. The plan is foiled when Beaver discovers that he
can't read big words and stuff.

Beaver gets hit in the darnit head with a pop-fly baseball after school
and is now convinced he has psychic abilities. With Larry Modello’s
help, the Beave sets up a fortune-telling sidewalk stand. Together the boys
have it made in the shade until Lumpy shows up and they quickly learn
gee Dad honesty is the best policy.

Tooey decides he would be much healthier and happier if he gave his
lunch money to Lumpy on a daily basis. Wally and the gang decide to
rattle Lumpy’s cage by threatening to reveal Lumpy’s dark summer
camp secret (that he likes to knit, gee whiz, girl sweaters).

Histoire du Cinema

I remember seeing Star Wars for the first time
But it wasn't like seeing Breathless for the first time.
I was breathless when I watched Raging Bull for the first time
But I was a raging bull when I watched Clueless for the first time.
I was clueless when I watched 8 1/2 for the first time.
But I was 8 1/2 when I watched Snow White for the first time
I was snow white when I saw Halloween for the first time.
It was Halloween when I watched High Noon for the first time.
I remember seeing King Kong for the first time.
It was in The Apartment that I saw The Searchers for the first time.
In Modern Times, a Taxi Driver should consider The Graduate and
go Singin' In the Rain On the Waterfront with The African Queen,
instead of this route I took classes with a Psycho from Chinatown on The
Grapes of Wrath. Someday I'll be An American in Paris but for now
Guess Who's Coming to Dinner? Rocky and The Wild Bunch rode in on
The Streetcar Named Desire to fill their Jaws with The Best Years of Our Lives.